Living your vision for your family!

It is 2010.  I am 50 years old, curled up in a ball in my garage apartment, alone, depressed, going through a divorce, isolated from my family and cut off from family finances.  After being married 25 years and giving 100% to raising my 6 children and being the best wife and mother I could be, my husband refuses to co-parent with me and several of my children don’t want me in their lives!  I am asking myself “Who AM I” beyond the roles of wife and mother I had lived, believing I had to sacrifice everything else to do this well. I did not believe it was possible to have my career and follow other passions when I had kids.  I also believed self care was selfish and I chose self sacrifice without even thinking about what I was sacrificing! 

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my life and role as wife and mother, but I could not have imagined it would lead me to this!

My defining moment was when my lawyer told me “You can stay curled up in a ball, depressed in your garage apartment watching your children drive by, or you can take care of yourself, so when your children are ready to come back, they have someone to come back to”.  I began asking important questions of myself, exploring who I am and what I need, and began a journey of creating an authentic life I love! I am now enjoying healthier relationships with my now adult children.  I am looking at my past as a gift, even in the most challenging moments, a gift that taught me about who I am, all of it leading me to living my best life daily, more authentically, and contributing to the world in the ways I was designed to give.

It took me lots of learning and personal growth to learn that I could have pursued more of my dreams.  I would like to tell you, YOU CAN! You CAN be a great parent and thrive in your career, even in these challenging times. Don’t end up curled up in a ball feeling like a failure when you CAN live the life of your dreams, BEing a fantastic parent, thriving in all areas of your life, and helping your family to thrive! Maybe it’s easier than you think!

HOW, you may be asking?  

You are feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, thinking things like

• I am a failure as a parent and as a partner…
• How are we ever going to get through this pandemic?
• Will life ever feel normal and good again?
• I wasn’t meant to be a parent.  This is HARD!
• How can I manage all of it.. I’m exhausted, frustrated, confused, upset!

These three exercises will set you on track for the best year ever and help you to be the best parent you can be!

LESSON ONE

You are a parent!  WOW

How did you get here?

Take a good look at where you are NOW.  Your choices in the past  have led you to this amazing moment and you have the opportunity in this moment to choose who you will be in your work and family life!!  What is your work?  Who is your life partner?  Who is this human being you are raising?

LESSON TWO

It is normal to have longings and discontent in our life.  These are signals from the universe, from GOD (the Grand Overall Designer), from spirit, that help us to grow, if we choose.  

On a scale of 1 to 10, how satisfied are you currently in your family life?

Name 3 to 5  areas of discontent you are experiencing.

LESSON THREE

What is the life you desire?  The outcome you dreamed of when you decided to BE a family?

Take 3 to 5 minutes to write your vision of family life when everything is as good as can be;  you LOVE your life in the context of your family.  Include main areas of your life:  your health, your relationships, your work, and your time and money freedom.

This is the beginning of living your Vision!

And it does not need to be difficult.  When we live in harmony with what we desire, life actually gets easier!  Living the life you LOVE does take planning, however.  

Here are SIX essential tasks for getting on track with your life partner to create the family life you love:

1. COMMIT AND RECOMMIT:  Make the commitment to be mutual partners in parenting.  Co parent to win this most essential game of life, raising healthy happy children while thriving in your own lives!  Are you committed to be the best parent in the world for your children, in partnership with your spouse or child’s other parent?  This decision is a decision to have a foundation of mutual trust, commitment, respect and support.  You will need to make this decision again and again, reminding yourself you are in this most important game of life together with your partner.
2. COMMUNICATE:  Learn how to communicate with your partner in ways that help you to both feel understood and meet your goals as partners and parents.  I recommend learning empathy and communication skills as taught by Marshall Rosenberg and others in the … of nonviolent communication (NVC). Understand you are going to make mistakes.  Family life and relationships are messy.  And in the context of family we have the greatest opportunity for personal growth.  Be open to learn about yourself and your partner in any communication.
3. PLAN: Create a strategic plan together with your partner that is in alignment with your values and goals.  Most people spend more time planning a family vacation than in planning their family life and parenting goals.  I would love to help you with this.  It really can be fun!!
4. LEARN PARENTING SKILLS:  An essential energy to hold as you parent your child is to get curious about your child. Child development has been studied and there are fabulous resources available to learn about and implement parenting strategies that help your child to learn and grow. AND every child is unique! I raised six amazing children who are now adults.  Each child challenged me in different ways and taught me lessons about life. Who is this child who has been given to you?  Observe in wonder this amazing human being and learn to really listen to what he/she is communicating to you. 
5. LIVE WITH INTENTION: Every moment of every day hold your vision for your family life  in your mind, decide on and take bold and courageous steps every day with your partner to create this life.  A great exercise to do with your partner and your children if they are old enough, is to create a family vision board…
6. ACCESS SUPPORT:  The greatest obstacle to success is the ‘Lone Ranger Syndrome”, believing that we have all the skills and can do everything on our own.  You DO have skills and talents and will use them in creating your life.  You will also have areas of weakness and ignorance.  Know that there are people who can help you learn new skills necessary to create the life you would love.  There is truth in the statement “It takes a village to raise a child.”

You, within the context of your family and community, are raising the greatest generation of all time. You have a privilege and a responsibility to parent the child given to you and an opportunity to grow and thrive in the process.

You can be and are the best parent in the world for your child!

 I would love to be your guide.  

There is no perfect parent, you are unique as is every member of your family.  I will help you find your path to thriving.

Reach out to me to talk about your needs, desires and how I can help you create your vision!