Nature and Nurture

Just months after a major beach replenishment project was completed, the beach was hit by yet another Nor’easter.  Sand was displaced, moving into the path, filling the walkway humans built to access the beach. 

I contemplate the power of nature and consider this power within me, within all of us.

I wonder and consider the ways we fight against our nature, trying to create ease by pushing against what is more natural for us.  Is this the ego that we defend so vehemently?  Is it a lack of trust in our ability to flow with our own nature and the natural world? 

As we parent children, how can we consider the nature of each individual child more, even as we take responsibility to socialize and teach them? 

In remembering my journey as a parent, I now see ways I pushed against rather than got curious about the unique nature of each of my six children.  I celebrated their differences.  At the same time, I worried about what I saw in them that may cause difficulty, for myself and for them.  Rather than working with their nature to guide them, I realize that I pushed them into conforming with my ideas of what was the best choices and path for them.  I realize now that my adult children are in the process of unlearning many of the lessons they learned growing up.  They are going through the process of discovering who they are as unique individuals with their own feelings, needs, desires, and gifts.  They are adults re discovering who they are.

Why did I parent the way I did, without the knowledge and insight I now have?  I can easily say I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and I did the best I could as we all do.  I was not as confident in who I am or as conscious about life, growth and living. I have learned later in life to discover and love myself as a unique, valuable yet imperfect human being.  When my children were young, I was in a mindset of being the person responsible for how they ‘turned out’ rather than in a mindset of curiosity and growth.  I know now that my time raising children was the greatest opportunity in my life for personal growth and learning.  I would have done better to reflect more on this and to celebrate the nature of each child and to learn and grow with them.  I would have done better to trust in the process of their learning through making choices and making mistakes that I was trying to protect them from. 

Fortunately, despite my mistakes, the strong nature of my children has been evident.  They are naturally resilient and break through emotional and psychological barriers, just like the sand on the beach displaced by the power of the ocean waves. They are using their own unique talents, discerning their own values, and creating their own lives.

WHY do I desire to coach young parents?  I don’t have all the answers, yet I have learned through my successes and failures.  I am guiding young parents to relax into parenting, to trust in themselves and the natural process of life and growth and to let go of the stressful expectations often placed on them by their own upbringing and by society.

If you are a parent who would like to let go of the struggle, get curious, relax, and learn and grow with your child, I can help.  Reach out to me.  I am ready and willing to listen to your struggle and help you transform it and create a thriving family environment.

“Try to see your child as a seed that came in a packet without a label. Your job is to provide the right environment and nutrients and to pull the weeds. You can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will bloom.”

Anonymous