Am I safe?
Walking the beach yesterday I saw and admired a group of lifeguards in training.
This is real life saving action, these young strong athletic lifeguards practicing skills they may be called upon to perform to save swimmers in critical situations.
The beach is a place we go to relax, to enjoy family and friends, to get away from stress and concerns of daily life. It is a place to unwind and experience carefree timelessness, to stop watching the clock and let go of ‘to do’ lists.
In order to relax and experience the joy of being at the beach we need to feel safe.
And isn’t this true regardless of where we are?
In order to experience the joy of being alive, the joy of being with our loved ones, we need to feel safe.
When we don’t feel safe, we experience anxiety and stress. Our nervous system is in a sympathetic, or ‘fight or flight’ state.
Have you ever witnessed a rescue at a beach and noticed the response of everyone around? There is a collective response of people jumping up out of their beach chairs and watching with concern and curiosity, with a heightened awareness of the possible dangers of swimming in the ocean. Experiencing this fear, anxiety and concern shifts the experience of relaxation to an experience of alert, fear and anxiety.
In your mind, you can imagine the beach scenarios I have just described.
What happens in your body as you imagine the fun, relaxation and carefree timelessness of playing with your children, building a sand castle or holding their hands as they squeal in delight jumping in the waves?
And what do you notice in your body as you imagine watching a struggling swimmer bobbing up and down in the waves as a lifeguard races out to the rescue? And if you imagine you have lost track of your child?
Noticing your physical responses can help increase your awareness of your thoughts and feelings and the response your body has to what you perceive is happening in your life, in any circumstance.
When you notice you are experiencing anxiety, your heart rate increases, you feel restless and tense, muscles tighten, you are breathing faster. This is an alert to you that some part of you is not feeling safe. Noticing is a first and vital step.
When you notice you are experiencing anxiety, the next thing to do is ask yourself, “AM I SAFE?” and, “Are those around me safe?”
If the answer is “NO”, decide what action you can take to be safe and keep yourself and others safe. Take that action! The ‘fight or flight’ response of your sympathetic nervous system is designed to help you take this quick action.
Often the answer is, “YES, I am safe. In this moment, I am safe. My family and those around me are safe now. The fear thought that was not real in this moment, a thought that threatened me, led me to feeling anxiety.”
Anxiety is a very uncomfortable experience that can keep you from making your best decisions and being present in the moment to connect with your loved ones and others around you. You may be having anxiety based on a past experience that is not your current reality.
The good news is you can repattern your anxiety response. What you can do is remind yourself that you are safe at this moment. This will calm your nervous system. Taking a few deep breaths through your nose and deep into your belly will also reset your nervous system and help you relax and to think and respond more clearly to the reality of the situation.
Finally, be grateful for the miracle of how your body responds and, like the lifeguard, is ready to protect you in any moment. Choose self compassion vs self judgment for the fear thoughts that contributed to your anxiety. Learning to examine your thoughts and accept all your emotions will help you grow and be your authentic self.
Repatterning anxiety may not be as easy as this sounds.
You may need more help and support. You are not alone if you are experiencing high anxiety. Please reach out. Help is available and it is possible to live a life of more freedom and joy!
